| A Review of: What IĈm Trying to Say is Goodbye by Cindy MacKenzieThe deliciously ironic humor that infuses Lois Simmie's children's
books, short story collections and her highly-acclaimed novel, They
Shouldn't Make You Promise That, is equally at play in her latest
novel, What I'm Trying to Say is Goodbye. But the humor is matched
by a solid groundedness that prompts fellow Saskatchewan writer,
Sharon Butala to describe the book as "the funniest serious
novel ever written in Saskatchewan." Simmie's humour is never
superfluous, but dry, and necessary, an easy and integral part of
the narrative and a symptom of life, in the way that sensitive,
intelligent people are self-conscious of their place in the world,
of their time and space.
This is a book bursting with characters and a strong plot line. It
could be made into a very entertaining movie. There are enough
interesting characters and plenty of action to keep readers (and
viewers) intent on every page. And there are lessons about life
from which all readers can benefit.
The jaded protagonist, Matthew Kelly, a Sask-atchewan man transplanted
to the moderate temperatures of the West Coast, takes us through
his quotidian routine as caretaker of Kensington Manor, the apartment
building where he lives. The retired newspaperman and recovering
alcoholic offers amusingly mordant observations of each of his
neighbours while at the same time, revealing his own despondent
moodiness as he struggles to come to terms with his life. Although
most of the tenants are seniors, Matthew offers us titillating
glimpses of their quirky lives.
The AA meetings also provide the author with a setting rich in
opportunity for character description and for insights into the
central character's psyche. At AA meetings, Matthew finds that he
loves the honesty of the group's laughter and the "non-pious
spirituality" that obfuscate the darker feelings in the
room-feelings of "guilt," "humiliation," and
"loneliness." The conflicting mix of emotion compliments
the author's style-her steady blending of tragic and comic moments,
and the combining of the narrator's vulnerability with a winning
feistiness. For instance, Matthew achieves an important insight
concerning his drinking days: "With some surprise he's discovered
he felt lonelier when he drank, even with [his wife] Delia near,
than he does now; an existential loneliness just this side of despair
that had nothing to do with being alone. Words fail him when he
tries to describe that feeling, but people nod when he flounders
trying. They know."
The comic voice is difficult to sustain, and I can't say enough
about how pleasingly Simmie's humour infuses her narrative and her
characters' words. The divorced Matthew wrestles with the housework
on his own, vacuuming with "the Beast", and pondering his
relationship with it: "Matthew does not have a good rapport
with vacuum cleaners. Delia took the diabolical old Filthy Queen
with her and good riddance. In a weak moment at home with a wicked
hangover, he once let in a Filter Queen salesman who scattered
elephant bullets all over the living room, zapping them up with
such a clang and clatter he bought the damn thing just to get rid
of him. And because they were always shooting elephants in the
living room and missing, of course." In another comedic moment,
Matthew finds himself remembering the lines of a familiar poem and
has to laugh: "The grave's a fine and private place, but none,
I think, do there embrace.' Oh lovely. In what forgotten chamber
of his addled brain was that cheery little couplet stored?"
Simmie keeps the reader engaged by weaving a plot full of
sympathy-arousing predicaments: Sam, Matthew's grandson, is looking
to his grandfather to bail him out of his miserable home life. His
mother is sick with pills, deceived by a second husband, a
Bible-thumper, who pulls his very reluctant stepson out of school
in order to administer a rigid home education. His grandson's
struggles offer Matthew an opportunity for redemption by helping,
as they say in pop psychology, to break the cycle' of addictive
behaviour. The events contributing to the turmoil in Sam's life
drive the reader to a page-turning frenzy.
The title points to the novel's central theme: Matthew's inability
to absorb the painful losses that make up his existence. In the
time that he spends reflecting on his situation, he comes to realize
that "it feels a lot like grieving, all this thinking. For
Delia, the love of his life. For his father, gone so long. And for
his old friend, Booze, who could always be counted on to make it
all go away." His deep-seated remorse for past actions can
only be alleviated by bidding goodbye to the one he loves-his Delia,
who has found a new life with the dapper Nick. Matthew knows that
in order to say that reluctant farewell to the woman he loves, he
must "start accepting life as it really is, not as he wants
it to be. Admonishing himself, he emphasizes the necessity for the
task at hand: "It's called reality, stupid."
The author's pragmatism also grounds the plot in reality. The plot
does not turn melodramatic, and things don't turn out entirely happy
ever after' since Simmie will be the first to admit that, "When
you get right down to it, life is unutterably sad." But this
author's characters and her own incisive humour balance the darkness
with the joys of life. Matthew realizes that he must "say
goodbye" to any hope of reuniting with his ex-wife Delia, and
that he must come to terms with his current realities-his age, his
past, his family's situation. This is a plot-driven novel not vying
for literary analysis, but it is a sophisticated example of its
genre. Simmie's effortless way of moving from the comic to the more
serious events in each character's life; her counterpoising the
sacrifices and painful losses with the revelations and joys of human
existence, made reviewing this book a joy. I highly recommend this
delightful book for, among other things, what it might teach about
your own life!
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